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The Gerardo Files

Meet Gerardo Ontiveros. A lifelong thrift store employee, mixed media artist and roommate of Nick yoohoo Maim, Gerardo saw his claim to fame when he was inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records for the laziest roommate of all time. Many scummy roommates all over the world have tried with all their might to compete for this title but fell short, as Gerardo, 45, was born to disappoint. From doing a disheartening combo of 80% of the cooking in the house and 0% cleaning, all the way to leaving Yoohoo's broken toilet running and fucking up the water bill and also being responsible for many other deliberate household failures, Gerardo Ontiveros snagged the record with utmost ease. He continues to practice the art of getting dirtier to ensure he will always hold this record.

He is also currently competing for the same book's "grumpiest lame man" record. On the night of September 29th at approximately 10PM central time, the 'Rards heads for the bathroom to take a nice steaming wicked hot dump. Unfortunately, an unidentified member of the household had neglected to flush the toilet after going number two earlier that day, which Gerardo found out upon opening the toilet lid. He then went on to proceed bitching about the massive log loudly through the bathroom door. Since English is Gerardo's second language, most of the yelling overheard by yoohoo was untelligible, albeit yoohoo does recall the 'f' word getting used over and over in Gerardo's volatile and abusive rant.

Yoohoo is currently in the process of searching around for new roommates. If you or someone you know is interested and capable of being clean and polite, and can pay rent, call the toll free number of Yoohoo Death Inc at "1-800-YOO-HOO-D".